Mercury32 and Christa's WWF Awards 1999
These awards (which are probably only funny to Christa and myself) were concieved one night around 3am when discussing how much we preferred Hunter with the plait and the long pants, how much we loved the way Shane sold a Stunner and reciting various lines from the year. This is what happens when you put Christa and I in an annexe with nothing more than a CD player, books, pens and paper for 10 days. Being posted a little late, but it kept us amused. Read on at own risk.
The 'Bigger Tits than Narni award' (Best Pectorials)
Nominees: Christian, Val Venis, Chris Jericho, Ken Shamrock, Kane, The Rock and Triple H.
Winner: Undecided. Further investigation needed.
The 'Yeah Yeah' Award (Best Hair)
Nominees: Christian, Roaddogg, Test, Hardyz, Jericho, Luna, Kane, HHH
Winner: Christian
The 'Priscilla, Queen of the Desert' Award (Best Costume)
Nominees: Edge, Undertaker, Val, Kane (the black outfit with the red flames), Hunter (long pants, plaited hair, and that kick ass cloak) Billy Gunn, Hardyz
Winner: Undecided. Further investigation needed.
The 'Show's Over Folks 'Award (Best Finisher):
Nominees: Stunner, Pedigree, Tombstone, Low Blow, Fameasser Mandible Claw
Winner: Undecided. Further investigation needed.
The 'Light up a City' Award (Best Smile):
Nominees: Edge, Stone Cold, Mick, Val, Taker
Winner: Edge (Was there ever any doubt?)
The 'You have way too much Time on Your Hands' Award(best tattoos)
Nominees: Taker, Mideon, Gangrel, Godfather, Roaddogg Test (ok so there's only one, but we love it)
Winner: Gangrel
The 'I want to get into those pants' Award (Best symbol on pants)
Nominees: Christian, Edge Acolytes Hunter (long pants) Taker
Winner: Draw - Edge & Hunter's Long Pants
The 'I Like the Sound of my Own Voice' award (Best Catchphrase):
Nominees: Outlaws - Prematch ('Oh you didn't know, your ass better call somebody' to 'Suck it'), Val - Hellllllloooooo Ladies! Rock - Smackdown Hotel & 'It Doesn't matter'
Winner: Draw - Outlaws & The Rock for 'It doesn't matter'
The Music to my Ears Award (Best Theme Song):
Nominees: Corporate Ministry, Gangrel/Brood, Kane, DX, Edge, HHH, Undertaker, Test
Winner: Undecided. Further investigation needed.
The Say What? Award (Best Line:)
Nominees::
Undertaker -Where to Stephanie?' & 'Don't be afraid Child, I came out here, to see what you got.' (OK so we're complete marks for the Ministry of Darkness.)
Shane: 'Maybe I'll just have him take her again' and 'It was me!'
Matt Hardy: 'We are not the New Brood, we are the Hardyz - Matt and Jeff."
Shane: As an older brother, those are the three worst words you can hear - I love him! EW!"
Christian - SHE'S IN THE BASMENT!"
Roaddogg: I'm almost afraid to say it, in case you take me up on it, but I got two words for ya... SUCK IT!!
Winner: Draw - Shane: As an older brother, those are the three worst words you can hear - I love him! EW! & Undertaker for 'Where to Stephanie?'
The Bakery Award (Best Butt):
Nominees: Jericho, Edge, Christian, Test, Val, Hunter, Bradshaw, Billy, Bradshaw Ken Shamrock.
Winner: Undecided. Further investigation needed.
The Soapie Award (Best Angle:)
Nominees: Ministry/Higher Power, The Test & Stephanie Wedding, Chyna tagging with Kane
Winner: Ministry/Higher Power
The Melbourne Cup Award (Best Stable):
Nominees:: DX, Corporation, Ministry of Darkness, Brood, Union, Corporte Ministry
Winner: Ministry of Darkness & Corporate Ministry
The Wolf Whistle Award (Best Looking):
Nominees:: Jericho, Edge, Christian, Test, Val, Hunter, Shane, Jeff
Winner: Undecided due to judges ending the decision making process by brawling
Mark Out Moment:
Nominees:: The Wedding Kane getting backstabbed constantly Al Snow finding Foley's book in the rubbish bin. Steph/ HHH situation, Higher Power, Brood/Ministry split Vince as Higher power Chyna winning IC title, Christian interferring in Bloodbath match on Edge's behalf Sable leaving
Winners: The Wedding, Kane getting constantly backstabbed, Brood/Ministry split, Vince as higher power and Christian interferring in the Bloodbath match on Edge's behalf.
Salesman of the Year (Best Sell):
Nominees: Shane, Edge, Christian, X-Pac, Hunter
Winner: Shane
The Academy Award (Best Facial Expressions):
Nominees: Shane, Vince Stone Cold, Hunter, Taker, Test
Winner: Vince
The 'If the Wind Changes Will Your Face Stay Like That?' Award (Facial Expression of the Year:)
Nominees:: Test looking like an evil chipmunk at wedding. Vince when Stephanie accepts Test's date (OK, so it wasn't that good, but Shane's hissy fit was hilarious) Stonce Cold searching for Higher Power, Edge looking confused just after the wedding
Winner: Test looking like an evil chipmunk at his wedding & Edge looking confused after HHH interfered in the wedding. (He was looking around as if to say "What happened? I think I just missed something important." It was SO CUTE!)
Most Kissable: (Best Lips)
Nominees: Edge, Christian, Taker, Test, Jericho, Jeff Hardy
Winner: Christian
Best Gimmick:
Nominees: Gangrel, Taker, Mankind, Vince and Shane as Vince and Shane (joke that takes way too long to explain), Chyna, Jericho, Val, Roaddogg, Edge, Christian
Winner: Val Venis, with Gangrel coming close second
The Melrose Place Award (Best Feud):
Nominees: Rights to the DX trademark Union/Corporate Ministry, Chyna/Jericho, Shane/Vince HHH/Kane, Kane/Undertaker, Shane/X-pac, Edge& Christian/Hardyz
Winner: Rights to the DX trademark and Shane/Vince
The Tell 'em how you Really Feel Award (Best Sign):
Nominees: Shamrock- 1 word - Decaf Foley is God, Chyna is Cartman's father Row E will Wrestle for beer, Chyna - You da man!
Winner: Shamrock - 1 word - decaf & Chyna is Cartman's father (that may not have been 1999, but I figure it deserves a mention)
Wrestler/Animal Comparisons:
Nominees: Kane - Rottweiler, Xpac - Chuiwowa, Matt Hardy - Monkey, Big Show - St Bernard, Hardcore Holly - Vulture, New Age Outlaws - Parrots, Shane - Teddy bear, Mick Foley - Koala, Vince - Grizzly Bear.
Winner: Undecided due to complaints from people nearby about the hysterical laughter
The Bonnie and Clyde Award (Best Tag Team):
Nominees: NAO, Edge & Christian, Hardyz, Undertaker/Big Show, Undertaker/Kane Mandkind/The Rock, X-Pac/ Kane, Acolytes, Mick Foley/ Al Snow
Winner: Undertaker/Kane & Mick / Al
Best Line in a Theme Song:
Nominees: "No Chance in Hell" - McMahons, "Who's sleeping with who?" - Triple H, "You think you know me" - Edge
Winner: Undecided. Further investigation needed.
Cutest Couple:
Nominees: Chyna/Hunter, Stephanie/Hunter, Kane/Tori, Mark Henry/Mae Young Terri /Val Ryan/Val Luna/Gangrel
Winner: Draw - Stephanie / Hunter & Mark Henry / Mae Young
The 'Look at Me, Look at me' Award (Best Entrance):
Nominees: Edge & Christian, Old Brood, Kane, Undertaker, Stone Cold, Goldust New Age Outlaws
Winner: Undecided. Further investigation needed.
Best Match:
Nominees: Edge & Christian/Hardy Boyz Ladder Match- No Mercy, Edge & Matt Hardy Vs Christian & Jeff Hardy, 'Love Her or Leave Her' match, 'Rights to the DX trademark'
Winner: Edge & Christian/Hardy Boyz Ladder Match- No Mercy